I got a copy of Le Petit Prince. SO HAPPY.
Jonathan Safran Foer
Jonathan Safran Foer
I’m writing this from my new laptop and it’s gorgeous..
And my blog theme actually fits on the screen, life’s good ~
This is such a lovely present to end my GCSEs and start my A Levels! Thanks Mum and Dad.
And sometimes I wonder, can you feel my eyes on the back of your head? Can the hunger in my eyes penetrate your mind, your soul?
You turn around, your eyes meet mine. I throw a nervous smile your way, try not to look too desperate. You smile back, that beautiful, beautiful smile of yours. And here come the feelings I thought I’d forgotten, flooding back. Stronger each time, each time I think maybe they’d faded a little, I see your face just one more time and I remember. I remember everything. All the memories. What I think of all the time, that you probably don’t even remember. I let them wash over me. Both happy and sad. More happy than sad. So I still don’t know whether to laugh or cry tonight.
I think I’m the happiest girl on the planet. I’m just so, so, so, so happy. It’s difficult to even put it into words. My granddad used to be.. so active, so involved, so happy and jokey and content. Recently though, he took a turn for a worse. He was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease, as well as having constant foot pain and earache with an unknown cause. His speech has been slurred, he’s barely been able to talk, walk, his memory’s been deteriorating. I used to love going to my grandparents’ house but recently, I used to hate it, and I hated myself for hating it. I hated seeing him like that, I hated how awkward it was not to know what to say, sitting there in silence, because even ‘how are you?’ was a sensitive question.
Today though… we went to visit him. I didn’t think anything would be different. But as soon as I walked into the living room, I saw him sitting there with the biggest smile on his face. He was telling me stories from when he lived in Kent, playing with my little brother, discussing politics with my dad, asking me about my exams and what I wanted to do in the future, offering everyone tea and coffee and biscuits. Almost like how it used to be. Obviously, it’s not a complete recovery. He still has difficulty walking and has some pain in his feet/ears… but he’s so much better. It just, suddenly happened. I honestly felt like crying.
Today has been a wonderful day. I have an iGCSE Maths exam tomorrow and I feel fully prepared for it. Been revising it all day, and I think I’ll confess right here right now that I have a love for finding dy/dx, completing the square and functions. Me and circle theorems don’t get on too well, not gonna lie… but I think I’ve got it sorted.
I feel like I should be saying thank you. I don’t know who to. But I just feel so lucky right now. I have amazing friends, I have a wonderful family, and everyone around me cares for me and wants the best for me. So thank you. I know I’m ridiculous because I’m chasing after someone who doesn’t even give a damn about me. But hopefully, I’ll grow out of it, get over it, something, I don’t know. It can’t last forever. Thank you for supporting me. :)
i wish i loved you like i used to, but i don’t. you hurt me, you made me doubt myself, you made me doubt everything. i gave up so much for you, and i never got anything back. empty words, empty promises. long absences. silence. painful, excruciating silence. and now? now you say you love me, now you want me, and the very thought of you makes me angry. where were you when i needed you? where were you when i thought the world of you, and wanted nothing more than to be with you? where were you when i cried myself to sleep every night, when every single thing i saw reminded me of you, when i wrote your name over and over again in my diary, when you were my every wish and my every hope?
it’s over. please, accept that it’s over. i can’t be friends with you. it hurts too much, the memories, the lies, the false hope. i want to love you again. but i don’t. i can’t.
i wish you a happy life from the bottom of my heart. please move on. please forget me. it hurts, i know, goddamnit, i went through it all for you what feels like yesterday. but you’re too late. i’ve moved on. it took me nearly a year, but i did it. you will too. i don’t love you. i love him. and the pathetic part? he doesn’t love me.
i’m beginning to believe that i’ll never be happy.
my friend beth is one of the most awesome people in the world. she’s also my lady in waiting cos… i’m a noblewoman/princess.
my fiance joey is the most handsomest prince in the world.
my wedding cake will have mario and peach on top.
and… ocarina of time is being released on the 3DS soon.
I’M SO HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYY