Because we are naked, bathed in post-coital glow and talking casually about substantiality and what’s existential. She has the sheets wrapped noncommittally around her frame and the same she drapes over me, my head in her lap, listening to her take on coincidence and fate. Her lips are cupid’s bow to my harkening ears, her words permeating my mind and wreaking havoc with my intellectual membrane.
Because we are here, together, cocooned away from the world, nestled in warmth and grace, having an intimately intellectual conversation about deeper meanings I have never talked to anyone else about moments after we have recovered from some pretty passionate animalistic fucking.
Because she entices me so fully, my focus unwavering, my armor unhinged and cast away. And I don’t care. I don’t care about what comes next, I don’t care for labels and definitions. I don’t care about the why, what, when, how because the who is all that matters right now. In this moment. I wouldn’t trade it in for a lifetime of happiness nor a lifetime itself.
Because she makes me feel invincible and destructible, desired yet untouchable, roaring like a victorious lion and panting like an eager puppy. Because she makes me feel everything I am all at once in such a deliciously overwhelming, heightening way.
n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.
“Ideally, what should be said to every child, repeatedly, throughout his or her school life is something like this: ‘You are in the process of being indoctrinated. We have not yet evolved a system of education that is not a system of indoctrination. We are sorry, but it is the best we can do. What you are being taught here is an amalgam of current prejudice and the choices of this particular culture. The slightest look at history will show how impermanent these must be. You are being taught by people who have been able to accommodate themselves to a regime of thought laid down by their predecessors. It is a self-perpetuating system. Those of you who are more robust and individual than others will be encouraged to leave and find ways of educating yourself — educating your own judgements. Those that stay must remember, always, and all the time, that they are being molded and patterned to fit into the narrow and particular needs of this particular society.” Doris Lessing, The Golden Notebook